Please Enjoy this Jewish Christmas Wish… From Me… A Jew

Two years ago I said everything I needed to say when it comes to how this Jew perceives Christmas. However, has saying everything I needed to say ever stopped me from saying more? Of course not! So, without any further ado, here are some more words on the topic of Christmas from a Jewish perspective as well as my Jewish Christmas wish.

This is my Jewish Christmas wish; please stop saying “Happy Holidays.” Over the last two weeks, I have made it a point to let everybody know who wishes me “happy holidays” that you can just go ahead and say “Merry Christmas” now. My Grinch-like heart is so touched by the people who say “Happy Holidays,” I want them to fully enjoy their Christmas. But Hannukah ended two weeks ago. Please, my Jewish Christmas wish is for you to just go ahead and belt out “Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!”

You kind, sweet, ignorant people want everybody to be happy at this time of year. So much so that you are subverting your own holiday salutations for an anachronistically incorrect phrase. That is beautiful. It really is. But again, for Jews that actually care about Hannukah and know at least something about it, we know it is a minor holiday that is in no way equal to Christmas. There is never any reason to subvert Christmas in favor of the Festival of Lights. Beyond that though, the holiday ended two weeks ago. When you say “Happy Holidays” you are admitting to total ignorance about the Jewish holiday, so just go ahead and say “Merry Christmas.”

The Beautiful and Ignorant Sentiment of “Happy Holidays”

The salutation “Happy Holidays” is indeed extremely touching. You utter it because you do not want to offend anybody. However, it kind of drives home the point that for the other 11 months of the year, you have no idea how ignorant and offensive you are when it comes to the Jewish calendar and Jewish holidays. But guess what, being offensive is not exactly a bad thing. Especially when your perceived offensiveness is only a result of being kind-hearted; only a real Grinch would get upset at that (can a Grinch be blue and white?).

Please though, do not take this as an insult; any Jew that gets offended by the ignorance of Americans when it comes to Judaism and Jewish holidays probably has no idea as to the percentages of Christians vs. Jews in America (in case you are wondering; roughly 2% Jews vs. 75% Christian, and that is including secular Jews who just think Hannukah is a Jewish Christmas). The issue arises when you start pandering to Jews and reveal your complete and utter ignorance and spread lies about the Jewish religion. At that point, well, prepare to get righteously eviscerated.

My Jewish Christmas Wish is For All Non-Christians to Get Offended

But it truly is sweet that you would go out of your way to try and not offend 2% of the people in America. It is sweet, but also completely unnecessary. And is actually quite a stupid policy when you think about it. When you do things simply to not offend 2% of Jews or 25% of non-Christians–and thereby take the joy away from 75% of people–that is incredibly stupid, hurtful… and, quite frankly, offensive.

Think about it another way. In your desire to not offend 2% of people, you are still offending whatever percentage of Christians who would rather say and hear “Merry Christmas” plus the percentage of Jews who are annoyed that you clearly do not know anything about their religion. Your offensive percentage goes from at most 25% of Americans, to a possible, what? 90%? In your effort to not offend, you offend even more people.

Therefore, my Jewish Christmas wish is not really for Christians. No, my Jewish Christmas wish is actually for Jews and everybody else that gets offended by “Merry Christmas.” Want me to state it explicitly? Are you ready? My Jewish Christmas wish is for all of you to suck it the hell up. Stop being so damn sensitive, start recognizing Christmas as celebrated in America as an intrinsically American holiday, and wish everybody a Merry Christmas. Oh… and Kamala Harris and Doug Emhoff, seriously, shut the hell up about Hanukkah. I wish for that too.

So… as always… Merry Christmas you filthy pagans.