Merry Christmas… to Every American

Stop Being Stupid; Just Say “Merry Christmas!”

Here is a dirty little secret; it is now more fun to say “Merry Christmas” as a Jewish person than it is for just about anybody else in America. Why? Because plainly saying “Merry Christmas” has become taboo in America. The irony to all non-Christians is obvious; we actually know the holidays you are referencing when you say “Happy Holidays” and it sounds so stupid to hear that well after the other “holiday” is over (that… or they are very eager for next year’s Festival of Lights). 

“Merry Christmas” is a way to spread joy. While the time between the end of Thanksgiving and Christmas can get tiresome with ALL the Christmas music and festivities for the non-adherents, it is still a time where people tend to be happier and more joyful. Christmas, especially its current iteration, is all about spreading joy. From advent calendars and nutcracker plays, to presents and Christmas trees, the whole production leaves people with a sense of childlike wonder that is sorely missing from the other 11 months of the year. Merry Christmas is a great way to spread that joy by simply uttering two words.

However, the irony of it all is there is a significant portion of the American community (yes, we are still a community damnit) that feels uneasy whenever they hear “Merry Christmas.” Jewish people have no such trepidation. Jewish people represent a little less than 2% of the United States population. “Happy Holidays” is a phrase meant to not alienate Jewish people and, by only the slimmest of means, those that celebrate Kwanzaa (quick aside: if you are saying “Happy Holidays” so as to not alienate those that celebrate Kwanzaa, recognize that from all available studies, it is celebrated by fewer people than celebrate Hanukkah, AND a portion of those that celebrate Kwanzaa also celebrate Christmas).

For those keeping score at home, when you say “Happy Holidays” you are doing so in order to make the roughly 2% of people that celebrate either Hanukkah or Kwanzaa feel better (roughly 6 million Jews and 500,000 Kwanzaa celebrants). When you say “Merry Christmas” you are getting about three-quarters of Americans you come across on any particular day (240 million Christians out of 325.7 million Americans=73.69%). Yes, has this country evolved in a manner so as to not alienate minorities? Yup. Has this been a good thing for the most part? Sure. But the adverse is also true; in order to placate the 2%, you are taking joy away from almost 75% of the country. You know what you call people that go out of their way to steal joy from others? Jerks… Or actually… around Christmas time, there is a better word for it; Grinches! 

So stop being a Grinch! Jew, Gentile, Atheist… just say Merry Christmas. Hanukkah is a wonderful holiday about war, attempted revolution, pig slaughter, and sure, some random thing about oil and whatnot. Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick came into the American mainstream as well during war; the first thing the modern Santa Claus is seen doing? Hanging Confederate President Jefferson Davis in effigy (you can thank Abraham Lincoln and Thomas Nast for the badass beginnings of modern-day Santa Claus). But despite the wartime origins, Christmas today is about giving and sharing the happiness that comes with being a part of the community. While it might be en vogue to pattern your speech so as to not alienate some, it is much worse to change what you say to thus steal joy from a vast majority of the population. If hearing “Merry Christmas” offends you so much, here is a fun, easy way to make yourself feel better; toughen up and get over yourself (or wait for the explanation in the next paragraph–whatever floats your boat). 

Just say Merry Christmas. This should not be taboo. America is a Christian nation. It is a wonderful Christian nation that lets you practice whatever religion you want. It is still the freest, most prosperous, and egalitarian country in the world (if you dare point out a Scandinavian country, please check their demographics). The only reason America evolved to this wonderful point is thanks to Judeo-Christian values. When you say “Merry Christmas,” you are alluding to the greatness of America. When you say “Merry Christmas,” it evokes the modern-day image of Santa Claus; created by a staunch abolitionist in a war that paved the way for the end of slavery. Merry Christmas is what every American of every faith should utter. It is a way to say, “G-d bless America (and down with the Confederacy).” For those still offended by “Merry Christmas,” please hear “Down with the Confederacy” instead. That is probably much enjoyable and should a smile on your face. So the only thing left to say is, Merry Christmas ya flithy animals… oh… and a Happy New Year.

By |2018-12-16T14:30:20+00:00December 17th, 2018|Lifestyle, News|Comments Off on Merry Christmas… to Every American

About the Author:

Sports broadcaster, specializing in play by play. Have called every sport under the sun with the exception of cricket, rugby, and kabaddi, but I wouldn't mind giving all three of those a try. The only promise I give you is if you tune in to one of my broadcast, for however long you do so, you'll enjoy life during that period of time. These blogs are my way of sharing with the world my passionate (and hopefully articulate) responses to the sports world and the world in general. I do not mean to offend anybody with these blogs, but if you're offended, hey, contact me and I'm always up for a discussion or debate.