Thanks, Obama! Your Terrible Policies Are Leading to Peace in the Middle East

Thanks, Obama! Seriously. Thanks, Obama. Your utterly terrible perspective on international relations in the Middle East is directly responsible for bringing Israel and the Arab world together. Thanks, Obama! But here is the thing, you could not have done this by yourself. No, no. Thank you, Joe Biden! Yes, thank you, Biden; your patronizing attitude towards Israeli settlements gave Benjamin Netanyahu and defenders of Israel all the ammunition they needed to broker a peace agreement with the United Arab Emirates. Yes, Biden, your theory also proved why peace with Palestine is decidedly not the driving force towards more peace in the Middle East.

But we need to get back to the shoutouts because the list is incredibly long: there is, of course, Samantha Power, without whom the Obama Administration’s middle finger to Israel in the U.N. might never have occurred. Oh, also, thank you to Ben Rhodes, the failed fiction novelist without any experience in international relations or diplomacy. It was you who was responsible for pushing the ludicrously dangerous JCPOA. That same piece of legislation, which compelled the Arab world to look around and say, “Oh, Iran is much worse than Israel. Maybe we should start talking to the Jews instead.” Yes, those pallets of cash gave Iran more power and opportunity, but it was honestly the JCPOA that pushed peace in the Middle East across the goalline.

But if we need to single out one individual, we must heap praise upon the Nobel Prize winner. So thanks, Obama! Your administration was so fantastically wrong, corrupt, and borderline antiSemitic that your failures brought peace progress to the Middle East. Imagine that? You proved the age-old adage of, “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Yes, you got so much wrong regarding Russia, Syria, and Iran that you brought those countries together, forcing all the other Arab countries in the Middle East to coalesce against them. And who better to fight Iran and terrorist nations than the one country who has done it from its founding?

Thanks, Obama! Why are the Arab Countries Choosing Israel?

And you wonder why the United Arab Emirates wants peace with Israel? They want the Israeli playbook on how to combat Iran. Israel is the expert! Whether it comes to physical force or espionage, Israel is the most important player when it comes to peace in the Middle East. Israel is the one country that is constantly shining a light on the evils of Iran. It is no coincidence that most of the time that means exposing just how antithetical your plans were for peace in the Middle East.

That JCPOA? Remember that? Your gold beacon of a deal that you and Ben Rhodes lied to the American public about in order to get it passed? The Israelis knew it was always a crackpot idea, so they never dropped their guard. In fact, the Mossad gladly took on the operation of proving to the world that Iran lied. They exposed how Iran never stopped its nuclear weapons production. In other words, they proved just how gullible and naive you were as a leader. But then again, there is the possibility that without a nuclear-capable Iran, the UAE and other Arab countries might not have considered Iran such a threat. Therefore, again, thanks, Obama!

You were given a Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing. Your successor should win one… for doing the exact opposite of your actions at almost every turn. Israeli sovereignty over the Golan Heights? Obama’s take? Bad. Trump’s take? Good. Moving the American Embassy to Jerusalem? Obama never did, even if Jerusalem was “sacrosanct, but the move could lead to more violence. Trump took one look and said, “Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, this is dumb, move the embassy to the capital.” Whatever you thought was the right move regarding Israel and possible peace in the Middle East, Trump thought, “WWOD” (What Would Obama Do) and did the opposite.

Seriously, Thanks, Obama et al… We Couldn’t Have Pulled it Off Without You

So, thanks, Obama! And Biden, and Ben Rhodes, and Samantha Power and everybody else that came together to royally screw up the Middle East. Your policy was so utterly inept the inverse was obviously the correct path to take. You are the George Costanza of international relations, except you never did the opposite. Trump is your opposite. And because he is, the UAE is more than likely not the last peace agreement. Maybe Bahrain is next, or Oman, or, gasp, Saudi Arabia? The only thing that is certain is that none of this would have been possible without your disastrous Obama Administration.

Because sports are a great way to imagine winners and losers, let us turn to sports to adequately convey just how bad of a failure the Obama Administration was in general, but specifically in the Middle East. The greatest sports quotation of all-time regarding losing comes courtesy of Trey Parker and Matt Stone in their wonderful movie “Baseketball.” In a scene following a tragic loss, Matt Stone’s character, “Sir Swish Remer,” is asked to explain how such a supposedly great team on paper could botch a game so badly, his response is noteworthy and applicable here, “Ah, well, you know, it was a team effort, and I guess it took every player working together to lose this one.”

Yes, the Obama Administration’s Middle East policy was a team effort, and it took everybody working together to create something so bad it compelled the rest of the Arab nations to join Israel in order to combat it. Without your effort, peace in the Middle East would not have been possible. So there is really only one thing left to say, and that, of course, is… thanks, Obama!